How To Get Over a God
by justalittle l o o n y
Summary: Thalia is a huntress, she can't fall in love. Especially with a god. Especially not with Artemis's brother. Join her in her quirky quest to get over him!
1. Prologue

Welcome to Thalia's quest to get over Apollo! I don't own PJO, Rick Riordan does._

* * *

Forbidden_. That is the one word that crosses my mind. I'm a hunter of Artemis. I'm not supposed to fall in love. Heck, I'm even sworn off of boys! If I fall for him, I lose my immortality, which I suppose wouldn't be so bad, mortals live without it. Yet, Artemis trusted me, I can't just fall for her brother. But I can't help it, he is so sweet and funny. Especially when he is epicly failing at poetry. I mean, _I am so cool_? Totally dorky. And yet, utterly him.

I'm so confused, because one moment it really feels like he likes me, and the next, he's chasing after some random nymph! The worst thing is, I've taken an oath not to fall in love, and so has everyone else here, so we don't exactly have boy chats. The second to worst thing is, he's coming to teach us archery next week and I know I'll be blushing and everyone will guess my secret. Poof, there goes my immortality. There's only one thing I can do. Get over Apollo.

* * *

Please don't laugh at my failed attempts at humor throughout the rest of the story. If you're rolling on the ground in hysterics (which I highly doubt) Feel free to review and tell me why. If not, review anyway! Alos, don't think all chapters will be this short, this is just an introduction.


	2. I Ride in a Flying Maserati

Okay, another chapter for you all. Most of you said that the first chapter was way too short and I understand. However, I did say that it was just a prologue, and thus was short. I hope this chapter will fufill your taste for longer chapters. If not, please review and tell me. If you wish to beta this story, send me a message or review.

* * *

There's no way I can get over Apollo on my own, so I need to talk to another girl about it. I obviously can't talk to any of the Huntresses, so there's only one other girl left that I'm close to. Annabeth. And the only way I can talk to her is to visit Camp Half-Blood. So I just need to get Artemis's permission. Easier said then done. "Um Lady Artemis? Is it possible that I could visit Camp Half-Blood? I had a lot of friends there that I haven't seen in a while. I'd like to, you know, catch up with them." She studies me.

"This is an unusual request. You _have _served me well, so I suppose I could let you visit your friends. But you must promise me this, the only boys you will talk to are Nico, Percy and Grover, though technically the latter is not a boy."

I nod, "I promise."

"Good. It is almost dawn, you can take a ride with Apollo."

"Well, uh, Lady Artemis, I'm not so sure that's a good idea, you know Apollo's, erm, reputation." Also, there's also the fact that that's not going to help with my plan to get over him, but I can't tell her that, can I?

She nods, "I see your point, Apollo does have a tendency to run off with girls, but I think you can handle him. You are my trusted lieutenant after all."

I make a face, "If you say so, Lady Artemis."

"I do say so. I shall send up a flare right now," and with that, she strings her bow and sends an arrow up in the air toward the sun. The sun starts to veer towards us and she says, "close your eyes Thalia." I do as she says and feel an immense heat wash over me.

"Hey sis," I hear a voice call. I open my eyes and see Apollo standing by his Maserati. He's wearing his usual clothes, only this time he's wearing shades. "What do you want? I was going to get an early start today!"

She rolls her eyes, "First off, don't call me 'sis'. As for why, I need you to fly Thalia to Camp Half-Blood."

He looks surprised, "Just Thalia? Not all of the Huntresses?"

I do my best to glare at him without melting into a pool, both literally and figuratively. He hasn't turned off the heat of the sun yet. "You do know I'm right here don't you? And what's with the sunglasses?"

He looks over at me and grins, "Thalia! I didn't see you there, sweetheart! The shades are protecting me from the heat of my ride." He lounges back against his car and I'm pretty sure he winks at me from behind the tinted lenses. "You like?"

No matter how much I want to flirt right back, and tell him that the shades only accentuate the subject matter, I know I have to put on the air of hating boys. So I roll my eyes and say, "_Oriste_?" which is Greek for 'excuse me?' "Sweetheart? What about that whole 'no flirting with Huntresses' rule?" He manages a look that is 50% apologetic and 50% indifferent. I pretend to sigh and look disappointed and throw my stuff in the back of the car. "If I really have to ride with you."

"Jeez, no need to look so disappointed, sweetheart." I glare at him, while inside I am praying that he actually means the last word he just threw out there like it was nothing. "Oh right, sorry about the 'sweetheart'. Slipped my mind that I can't flirt. Hop on in, I've got to get going, otherwise the mortals will never wake up."

I climb in and we take off. I get the usual stomach pangs of air-sickness and he reaches over and grabs my hand. I get goosebumps. "I'm glad it's just you and me, Thalia." I must have had a weird look on my face because he elaborated. "I don't have to change out of Maserati mode," he flashed me a grin and I must have turned a burning shade of scarlet, because he said, "You look like the sunset Thalia: blood-red and beautiful." He thinks I'm beautiful?!

"Well, here we are, Camp Half-Blood," he says, spreading his arms wide like a tour guide. We careen in towards the lake and come to a rest. I realize he hasn't let go of my hand, and apparently he does too because I detect a pinkish tinge on his cheeks. He lets my hand go and says "If you ever need a ride, call me, sweetheart." This time I don't object to him calling me sweetheart and he smiles knowingly. "Well, Thalia, I'd love to stay and chat, but California's freezing over and I can't stay for long. Bye!" And with that, he leans down and kisses me on he forehead, leaving me wondering how I'm ever going to get over him.


	3. I Eat a Moldy Cheeseburger

"Thalia!" I spin around, only to see Annabeth and Percy running towards me with huge grins on their faces. "What are you doing here?"

I give them both hugs, "It's great to see you too. Annabeth, I need to talk to you about well, um, something."

She raises an eyebrow, "Does this 'something' have to do with the reason you're all red and you look dazed?" _Di immortales, _she's good. I should have known she'd guess, she _is _a daughter of Athena.

"Um, sort of?" I say, hoping she'll get the message and shut up, since we're standing in front of Percy. Thankfully, she does. "Ohhhh, I get it. Come on, we'll talk in the Artemis Cabin." Percy looks confused and opens his mouth, probably to ask what the heck's going on, but Annabeth covers his mouth with her hand and says, "Girl stuff, Percy."

He looks enlightened and we run off, smothering our giggles. However, as soon we get inside, Annabeth drops the smile and corners me against a bunk bed. "Okay Thalia. What's going on?"

"I sort of have a crush on Apollo," I mutter, turning red.

"Excuse me? I didn't catch that last bit," she smirks and I know she heard me, she's just enjoying embarrassing me.

"I have a crush on Apollo." Her eyes widen. Maybe she didn't hear me before. Maybe she was just smirking because I was blushing.

"Oh my gods, Thalia! You're a Huntress, you can't have a crush on someone!" Jeez, you're supposed to be a daughter of Athena, Annabeth. Way to state the obvious.

"Don't think I haven't kicked myself about it several times already. That's why I came, I need your help getting over him." She smiles sympathetically and pats my arm. I continue, "I need to get over him because he's coming next week, and I know I'm going to blush and someone's going to guess I like him."

"He's never come before," she looks confused, "why now?"

"He's coming to 'teach us archery.' We're Huntresses, we don't need help with archery," I scowl, "He's so cocky sometimes, I can't take it!"

She nods, takes out a small notebook and begins to write in it. She waves a hand, "Keep complaining, I'm just taking notes."

"He's really confusing. I mean, one moment he's flirting and calling me 'sweetheart' and the next, Lady Artemis is complaining about how he's off chasing some random nymph. He also flirts with us Huntresses-"

"I bet you don't mind when he flirts with _you,_ though," Annabeth teases.

I blush and glare at her. "Okay, I can't deny that, but it's against Lady Artemis's wishes. Which, combined with the fact that he thinks he's older than her is totally disrespectful to Lady Artemis." I take a deep breath, "And then, sometimes he's just like any other guy, and being cute yet dorky, and trying to write poetry." For some reason, she doesn't write that down.

She reads through what she's written and looks pleased with it. She hands me it and says, "Look at this whenever you're all gushy about him, and it will remind you why you shouldn't like him. And since the complaints are yours, you can't disagree with them!" I look at the note. I can barely read her handwriting, but here's what I think it says:

~He is cocky, he thinks he can shoot better than the Huntresses.

~He flirts with girls other than me, and chases after nymphs.

~He is disrespectful to Lady Artemis.

Well those _are_ my thoughts... This crazy idea might just work! I hug Annabeth, "Thank you so much!" Then I bite my lip, how am I going to get back to camp? I voice my concern to Annabeth and she looks worried for about a millisecond.

After that short time in which Annabeth's IQ was probably equal to mine, it soared up again as she seemed to get an idea. "Wait here. I'm going to get something." She ran out of the cabin and I took the time to look around, thanks to my ADHD I'd already taken in my surroundings, but I wanted to see the details. There was a bear head and a bow and quiver, both of Artemis's symbols. The beds were all neatly pressed and made, Probably by the harpies. "Okay, I'm back," Annabeth rushed in, holding Daedalus's laptop and a thing that looked like something of the food persuasion with a suspicious green thing growing on it.

"Is that supposed to be a cheeseburger? Cuz' you know I love my cheeseburgers, but that looks suspiciously like mold growing on it," I say, squinting at the green thing.

She rolls her eyes, "No, it's not a cheeseburger. Well, it is, but it's not a regular cheeseburger."

I frown, this is an insult to cheeseburgers everywhere. "I can see that, it's got green stuff growing on it."

She ignores me and continues, "On Daedalus's laptop, there was this amazing invention, it must have taken a brilliant mind to think of it, well of course Daedalus is brilliant, but I mean, wow." Her eyes get all shiny and exited, "It's an invention to teleport people. Remember how all fast food chains have a monster base? Well, apparently, each piece of food has a drop of monster blood in it. According to Daedalus, fermented monster blood can teleport people. So moldy fast food can teleport you, get it?" I didn't, but I wasn't about to tell her. "So, I went out and bought a bunch of cheeseburgers from McDonald's. I left them in a brine for three months, then let them dry and Voila!" She holds out the burger, and a boil pops and starts oozing yellow pus. I must look disgusted because she looks hurt. "All you have to do is eat one bite and you'll teleport."

I back away, "I think I'd rather walk."

She looks even more hurt, "C'mon Thalia, please? I need to see if it works, and I did help you."

_Di Immortales_, she had to say that! Now thanks to my stupid crush on Apollo I have to take a bite of that-that-that awful excuse for a cheeseburger. "Fine, I'll try it. All I have to do is eat one bite?"

She loses the hurt look and puts on a smile, "Yep. Here you go!" She hands me the burger and I take a bite. It tastes disgusting.

I retch and say, "Annabeth, if I die of food poisoning, I'm taking you out of my will."

"You won't die. I think."

"Gee, that's reassuring."

"All you have to do is think of Artemis, and you'll go to your campsite." I do just that, and the room starts to fade away. I hope it's not because I'm dieing. "Bye Thalia!" That's all I hear before everything fades and recovers. I'm back at our campsite.

Everyone crowds around me as I say, "It worked" and puke all over the place.


	4. I Stroke Apollo's Wing

I wake up and shakily stand up. I am still a bit dazed after the food poisoning I got from Annabeth's cheeseburger. Cara, a small mortal girl who reminds me of a monkey because of her small, quick movements, comes in and nervously pushes her hair behind her ear. For some reason, all the Huntresses except Phoebe are scared of me when I'm sick. I think it's because my temper is _really _short when I'm sick, maybe they think I might electrocute them. "Thalia, Lady Artemis told me to tell you that we're, um, changing uniforms today." She hands me a silvery tank top and a blue mini-skirt.

I give her an incredulous look, "That's a mini-skirt."

She sighs, "I know. We're going into town and Lady Artemis wants us to fit in with other girls our age. However, she says, 'on no accounts are we to talk to any boys. If one tries to flirt with us, we must kick their butts."

I raise an eyebrow, "She said 'kick their butts'?"

She looks abashed, "Well, no. I was just paraphrasing. What she actually said was 'shoot them in painful places that won't kill, but will hurt very greatly," she gulps. "Such as their-"

I cover my ears, "STOP! I don't want to know!" She grins evilly and opens her mouth but a lightning bolt comes shooting down and cuts her off. She looks shocked, and tears start leaking out of her eyes. She may be tough enough to be accepted into the Huntresses of Artemis, but she is new to the whole demigods with powers thing. Also, there's the fact that she is a mortal who could be killed by a lightning bolt.

And of course Giselle, the snobbiest, bossiest daughter of a wisdom goddess you will ever meet, (even Athena is exasperated by her) has to come in, hands on hips. She wants to be lieutenant so badly, she will do anything to knock me out of position. "Oh Cara sweetie, are you alright? You must go see Antheia, the tree nymph. I believe she has something for shock." Cara nods shakily and runs out of my tent. "Thalia Grace," she says in a motherly way (not nicely, more like scolding). I glare at her at the use of my mother's surname. She ignores this and continues, "You remember what Lady Artemis said about lightning bolts in the camp."

I do my best to look innocent, (which might be ruined by my black ensemble). "Which was?"

She actually stamps her foot on the ground, which makes me crack up. Which doesn't really help her mood. "Ugh, I have had it with you. I'm telling Lady Artemis."

I shrug, "Okay."

Obviously she expected more of a reaction than that. Perhaps a 'please don't tell her, I'll do anything.' So she thinks for a moment, than looks triumphant. "And you're coming with me." When I fail to burst into tears and bow down to her, she glares at me and drags me off. We enter Lady Artemis's tent and Giselle immediately begins to complain, "Lady Artemis. I have come here to report Thalia Grace. Once again, I have caught her shooting lightning bolts. I have reprimanded her time and time again, so I really think a change in the position of lieutenant would be warranted."

Artemis puts a hand up to silence her, "Shh, can you not see what I am doing? Your angry tone has upset this creature." There is a raven in Artemis's lap. It caws nervously, and I realize that I still must have my angry face on.

I try to rearrange my facial expression, and lean down to stroke the raven's broken wing. It's feathers are so soft... It opens it's mouth and instead of a caw, Apollo's cocky voice comes out, "Ahh, that feels good Thalia, a little to the right please." I shriek and jump back. Artemis is a little more in tune with the situation. She throws the bird up in the air while simultaneously drawing her bow. She shoots the arrow at the pinched part of skin that will not hurt. Much. As soon as the arrow hits him, though, he transforms into Apollo, the Sun God. "Oops," he says, but that's an understatement. Lady Artemis is furious. She gestures for us to leave her tent and go change into our new uniforms. Which basically means, 'go away so I can yell at my annoying brother.' But even as I'm pulling on my annoyingly ruffled mini-skirt, I can hear them arguing about his lack of disrespect for her privacy and rules ("Hey, I'm a guy. There's a group of girls who are forbidden? I go after them!") and his modern clothes ("The chicks dig it little sis! You should try dressing up modern sometime, really works wonders!").

I smirk, after he sees the Huntresses in their modern clothes, he's gonna look shell-shocked! Wait, no Thalia. Bad thoughts. You're supposed to be getting over him. What was the list again? Before I could remember and recite the list, Giselle comes into my tent again, looking self-important in her mini, as opposed to me, probably looking out of place. Like a weed in a flower garden, and probably just as ugly. Ugh, I hate light colored clothing! Oh right, Giselle's looking impatient, better give her my attention. I salute her, and for some reason, she looks offended. She turns her nose up. "Lady Artemis told me to tell you that we are leaving for town. If any girls do not wish to go, or are too sick," she eyes my red, runny nose and my green complexion, "they can stay here with Apollo."

"What! Alone? With Apollo?" I exclaim, this will so not help with my whole plan.

"Well of course not. Lady Artemis will be having the lieutenant stay," she looks annoyed, "Which, unfortunately, is you. She trusts that you can take of yourself and any others who do not wish to go to town." Oh great. So I have to stay here with Apollo. Just super. Really helping. Gods, Aphrodite hates me.


	5. I Find Out The Truth About Storks

This was probably the fastet update I've ever done. Sadly. Well, anyhoo, this chapter is dedicated to my friend Jennifer, who texted me every five seconds, ordering me to work on it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson, or Cowboy Casanova.

* * *

I walked outside of my tent and sighed. Better get this over with. "Apollo?" I called. He was leaning on a tree, smiling peacefully as he listened to something on his iPod.

"Hmm?" He took off his earphones and his smile widened. It was a mega-watt smile, the kind that movie-stars usually have. "Thalia! Sorry, didn't see you there. I was just listening to Carrie Underwood." I smirked, Giselle was a huge fan of Taylor Swift and thanks to her, Apollo was on a country phase.

"_He's a, a good time, cowboy Casanova leanin' up against the record machine. He looks like a cool drink of water, but he's candy-coated misery,_" I sang, indicating him.

He pretended to be offended, "Hey! I'm not _that _bad." I rose my eyebrows and he laughed. "You have a nice voice Thalia. You sure you're not _my_ kid?"

I grinned and motioned up towards the sky, where a storm was gathering, "I'm sure. You want me to prove it?"

"Nah, I'm glad you're Zeus's kid. Otherwise we would be incest." My heart started beating fast. _We? _I tried to remember the list, but Apollo's smile was so disarming... I felt a sneeze coming on and the electricity in the sky started crackling. "Uh-oh Thalia. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have flirted with you. I broke Artemis- I mean Lady Artemis's rules. I'm sorry. Please don't be angry."

The sneeze went away and he relaxed. I guess he thought I wasn't angry anymore. Hey! I wasn't about to tell him that it was just a sneeze. I punched him in the shoulder, "You coward! You're a god and you're scared of a little half-blood."

His voice got serious. "I'm not scared of you. I just don't want you to be mad at me." I looked at him and I swear there was some kind of electricity there (and it wasn't coming from me). He coughed and changed the subject. "So, what are you doing here? I thought you Huntresses were going into town today."

I sighed. "Well, anyone who didn't want to go into town, or was too sick, got to stay here with you." I indicated the empty campsite bitterly. "Which basically meant just me."

He looked at me, concerned. "You're sick?" I nodded. "Well let's get you out of those clothes then." I must have looked scandalized because he backtracked, blushing. I had to keep myself from laughing. Apollo, suave, debonair player was _blushing_? "I mean, *it's been scientifically proven that if you're in your own clothes, you feel a lot better."

I went into my tent to change, and when I came back, Apollo's watch was glowing, and he was talking into it. "Look G, I know I'm late. Yes, I know she's keeping an eye on you girls and you don't have much time, but Thalia is sick." He rolled his eyes. "Yes, I know you don't care, but I'm the God of Healing and I have to help her. Wait, she's out of the tent, I have to go." He rolled his eyes, pointed to the watch and made a talking motion with his hands. "Okay. I'll be there soon. Bye." He tapped the watch which I noticed was shaped like a sun. "Sorry Thalia, but I have to go. You'll be okay on your own, right?"

Before I could answer he disappeared in a flash of sunlight. I rolled my eyes, disappear before I could tell him that he was _supposed_ to stay, typical Apollo. I would have to add that to the list.

* * *

There was a buzz in the air when the Huntresses returned, and Lady Artemis looked furious. Instead of checking in with me to see how things were here at the camp, she walked straight towards her tent. Shortly after she went in, a bubble surrounded her tent. A bubble that would make anyone who tried to go into her tent bounce back 30 feet. Lady Artemis was angry. Something had happened. "Why is Lady Artemis angry? Did something happen in town?" I asked Phoebe.

She was watching the tent warily. "Yeah. We were kicking butt in a basketball game, when all of the sudden Giselle fainted. Like, oh my gods I'm dying, fainted. She said she was fine, that she just needed to sit out. So we kept playing. We beat them, 31-8. We looked over, and Giselle was gone. We tracked her to this old arcade, with like Pac-Man. And there she was, with Apollo." I got a bad feeling in my stomach. "They were laughing and hugging and he kissed her on the forehead!" My stomach flipped and I guess I looked green, because Phoebe looked backed away. "Okay... I know when someone's about to puke. I'll just leave then," she ran off quickly, to avoid getting puked on, but my stomach had stopped swaying. Call me an odd person, but my first instinct wasn't to cry and weep about Apollo. It was to find out what had happened to Giselle. I mean, I know what happened to her, she got turned into some kind of animal, but I wondered where she was.

So naturally, I asked Gavina, a nymph with a knack for animals. She told me that Giselle had been turned into a stork. Go figure. And as for where she was, Gavina's best guess was a pond somewhere. So I tracked down the nearest pond, and, sure enough, found a stork, staring morosely at it's reflection. I walked up to it. "Giselle?"

It looked at me, opened it's beak and spoke. "Oh. Hi Thalia."

I looked at stared at her incredulously. "How can you talk?"

She let out a small caw, which I guess was a sigh. "I used to be a human, so I still have some human qualities. But that's not why you're here. You're here for the answer that all of the other girls wanted. You want to know what was going through my mind when I betrayed the oath. And you know what? I have no idea." She returned to staring at the pond. "Apollo was... so charming. I couldn't help it. I fell for it. But look where it got me. I'm a stork." Her voice got bitter. "And he didn't lift one finger to help me. He didn't even think of turning me back. I was his for one purpose. And after the flirting, the kissing, the touches, he didn't need me anymore. So I gave up _everything_ for him, and he just..." her voice trailed off sadly. I felt a great burst of anger. So this was how Callisto felt. This was how Daphne had felt. This was how many had felt. She looked at me. "The gods are very fickle Thalia, remember that. It is good advice."

"But why would you give me advice?" I asked, "You hate me!"

"I used to resent you, yes, but that was out of greed. I wanted what you had, and now, because of Apollo, I cannot get it. _I _wanted to be lieutenant. _I _wanted Apollo's love." I made a sound of protest, but she covered my mouth with one wing. "Yes, Thalia, he loves you. But don't trust him. Or any god, for that matter. They may love you for a day, but never longer than a month. Their attention spans are short. Now I know that, and it is too late. Don't let it be too late for you too."

She flew off, and the list floated through my mind with one more item added. _He is cocky, he thinks he can shoot better than the Huntresses. He flirts with girls other than me, and chases after nymphs. He is disrespectful to Lady Artemis. He leaves too quickly, I never have time to talk to him. He is a god. _My quest to get over Apollo had been renewed, this time with added vigor. This time, it was for Giselle.

* * *

*I actually have no idea if this is true.

Okaaaaay, that was a really dark chapter. So I have a few things to clear up. First off, I know Thalia was OOC. And probably Giselle too. But I like to think that they both went through something major together. They had something in common. On a lighter note, I was thinking of writing a one-shot about Giselle's thoughts about Apollo. What do you think? I also have a question for you readers. Check out my poll to find out what it is!

~Loony


End file.
